On October 7th, 2006, Keith and I welcomed our first son and fourth child into the world. We named him Lotatoa - meaning Our Warrior in my native language - Samoan. We were beyond excited. Keith an only child - couldn’t wait to share his love for fast cars, football, baseball and the outdoors with his boy. I on the other hand was excited for hotwheel cars, cute little boy sweaters and having a little boy to love. I pictured Lota playing rugby like my brothers did growing up. But the best part of it all, was knowing that we have been blessed with a son to carry on the family name.
Lota was Daddy’s little shadow from the moment he started walking. He loves helping his Dad with yard work, fixing up things in the house and his favorite - working on cars with his Dad. They went on their first father and son camping trip when Lota was only three years old. Lota had so much fun that "Father & Son Camp out - No Girls Allowed" is now a summer tradition for Keith and the boys. And once Lota discovered the Fast & Furious movies, he was hooked. I remember telling him that I did not like him watching that movie because of all the half naked girls. His answer was "I don't look at the girls. I only look at the fast cars". Smart kid! I knew there was no arguing this with Lota and so I asked that he and Daddy uses the fast forward buttons for those scenes. Keith was quick to let me know he got it.
For seven years Lota was our perfectly normal little boy. He loved fast cars, the outdoors, football, playing with little brother, being outside for hours, playing in the lake and doing everything a little boy loves to do.
But 10 days after we celebrated Lota’s 8th birthday (last year) - everything changed.
Lota was experiencing headaches in the morning and night. The headaches disappear after a root canal. He would also vomit unexpectedly and then feel totally fine afterwards. He was playing football at the time and he went from playing the whole game to standing on the sideline. He was not tackling like he used to. He told me he can’t see his opponents. I thought he was just scared because he was playing some really big kids. Lota was also sleeping A LOT. He would go to school, come home and fall asleep on the couch till the next morning. Keith and I felt he was just exhausted from football practice all week. We also noticed he had gotten taller, so we assumed he was growing too. When Lota did not pass the school eye screening, I decided it was time to get him to an eye doctor. The eye exam that day led to an eye specialist visit an hour later, then to the ER for an MRI which revealed a tumor. The tumor was blocking the spinal fluid from draining and it was causing Lota’s optic nerves to swell up.
It's almost a year later and we are preparing our Warrior for a 5th brain surgery.
Our family has a new normal and this journey is not one I would wish on anyone. But through this trial we as a family have learned some very important life lessons. We have also learned to lean more on God for patience, peace and guidance. It is the knowledge of him that keeps us going when we feel we can no longer stand on our feet.
I have learned so much in the past year but one life lesson I want to share with you occurred to me this past Wednesday - October 7th while we were celebrating Lota’s 9th birthday.
Lota’s little brother is struggling a lot with everything that’s going on especially all the attention Lota has been getting. So we decided not to make a big deal on Lota’s birthday but just do something simple as a family at the park. Keith told me he got the cake figured out for Lota’s birthday. I was very happy he took care of that big part of the day.
Well, when Keith showed up at the park with the cake, it was not what I had imagined. It was a basic round cake with no Happy Birthday on it. I was starting to feel upset and I asked Keith what happened to the cake. He explained that the people he ordered the cake with made a mistake and didn’t make the cake. So he just picked up a cake at Smiths. To make things worse, I go to turn on my phone to take pictures and my phone storage is full, I reached for my canon and the batteries were completely dead. Yes. It was that kind of day.
I started feeling anxious and my mind was flooded with these questions “What if this is Lota’s last birthday?! What if, this upcoming surgery goes wrong and he will be in a wheelchair?! What if this is his last birthday cake he will remember? What if the worst happens to my boy and I have no pictures to look at and only a memory of a plain cake to remember?!”
But just as my mind was flooded with these 'What if…' questions and my anxiety was slowly building up; a very clear and beautiful thought came to me like it was written across the beautiful skies above the Wasatch Mountains. It read -
The what ifs of life can rob us of our most priceless moments. Don’t let it.
At that moment, I looked up to find Lota smiling from ear to ear while playing football with his sisters. He was running, jumping and having the time of his life.
My Lota is running, laughing, happy and another year older! What a priceless moment!
And with that, I thank my Heavenly Father for the birthday cake without a Happy Birthday on it. I thank him for another year with Lota. I thank him for a wonderful husband who loves me and our kids so very much. I soaked in each moment that night, knowing that life is truly too short to worry about the what ifs of the unforeseen future. Today is truly a present and I enjoyed it.
As Moms, we are often lost in our own vision of how the day or an event should go that we miss the many priceless moments happening right in front of us.
I pray that I will never forget to see the priceless moments when everything seems to not go my way. I choose to live one day at a time and always remember not to allow the what ifs of life to take control of my happiness today.
