Another Big Hill to Climb.

Today my heart feels a little lighter.  I can feel your prayers. I know with time and keeping an open heart, this journey will get a little easier.  There are days I want to just keep my door shut, my windows and the blinds closed and the door bell disconnected.  There are days I do not want to keep an open heart. 

Those are the days I know I must stay away from. 

We had a very rough start to the week, last week.  After weeks of many melt downs and not being able to express his feelings (whether it was him refusing to or his brain just having a hard time putting his feelings into words) Lota finally opened up to us.  

It was Tuesday night August 11th.  Lota was just having a hard time.  And then another melt down started and this time he was able to say it out loud.  

“I’m scared.  I’m scared I might die from this tumor.” 

Those are the words my sweet boy wept as his Dad held him close.  

Those words pierced our hearts so deeply. 

Yes.  We count our blessings everyday that our sweet boy is here but knowing that Lota is actually thinking about the possibility of dying from this tumor is heart wrenching.  No eight year old should ever have to worry about such a painful possibility for his own future.  

I have spent many days praying to God for comfort and peace.  I know that in his own due time, he will show me why my family but especially my little Lota has to endure this chapter of our earthly journey.  I know there is a plan within this plan.  Knowing all that does not make it any easier though. 

The tumor continues to grow and we are looking at a 5th brain surgery in the future.  Lota knows that the tumor is growing and I know he is starting to think the worst of things.  We are trying to keep him positive.  Being 8 is hard enough. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be 8 with a brain that used to work just right and now it doesn’t. Tonight Lota told me that it’s really hard to think.  I can only imagine.  

I keep reminding Lota that this journey is just like his trail runs.  He will have really hard days (just like those tough hills on the trail).  He will also have really good days (just like those easy flat stretches on his runs) and maybe more bad days then good.  But no matter what, he must keep on moving forward and pushing through because the view on top is absolutely worth it.  

Please continue to pray for Lota and especially us his parents so we know exactly what we need to do for Lota next and how we can help him stay positive and continue to fight.  

Love ~ Lota's Mom.