LACK OF COMMUNICATION. EMOTIONS & FRUSTRATION

I've been trying to not get angry. I'm not angry anymore but when I wake up and see my boy's sad face. I feel the disappointment and I feel the need to express myself. 

Communication is crucial in every aspect of life. And when it comes to issues that involve us and our children emotionally; communication is even more vital. 

I was given the okay to make the appointment to have Lota’s port/central line removed by one of Lota’s care team. Lota was very excited and was looking forward to that day (yesterday). Four days before surgery, I was told that the other half of the team felt we should keep the port in until our next MRI. The reasons presented were very good reasons. My question is, Why was I given the okay to make the appointment and get my boy all excited when half the team was not notify on this decision. I thought when they say this is your “care team” they are to communicate before they inform us parents on what to do. 

We now understand why Lota has to keep his port in. But if communication was done the way it was suppose to be, Lota would never have the knowledge that his port was going to be removed and now he is here wondering whether he will end up needing chemo anyways and whether we think the tumor is coming back. Yes, those are all possibilities but when working with children this should be an emotional roller coaster a medical care team should already know how to avoid. These are hard questions for a parent to answer, let alone a child with a personality like Lota to try to understand. These are questions that are pulling at my heart. 

I am so grateful to know that there is a God out there that I can run to when I feel helpless. Please include Lota and our family in your prayers today.

AN ANGEL WARRIOR ON LOTA’S SIDE: TYLER SMITH F2TF

Written by - Rowena Ward

The overwhelming feeling of gratitude, love and hope fills my heart. But my heart also feels the heaviness of sorrow; sorrow for a sweet mother who have lost her child. A pain too great for me to even imagine. 

This post is late for many reasons. To be honest it’s been hard to express myself without having a waterfall of tears. I hope I can convey the feelings of my heart. 

Friday night our family witnessed the love of so many good people; from friends, neighbors, teachers, students, children, strangers and most of all the love of a boy that we never had the honor to meet. 

When our family first moved into our home 3 years ago, we heard of a warrior name Tyler Smith and the many lives he had touched while he battled cancer. We saw the F2TF (Fight 2 The Finish) logo

around our community and on social media and wondered who this brave warrior was. Little did we know, Tyler will find his way into our hearts and we will wonder no more. 

This past Friday we attended the kids’ school 5K Run and there we met Tyler through his sweet mother Ann. Team Tyler and Anything for a Friend had teamed up with our school PTA to surprise our family with the ‘Giving Tree’. My heart; torn between gratitude and sorrow for Ann’s great loss. I can only imagine her pain. I have many times wept alone in fear of the ‘what if’ for my Lota. But for Ann, her loss is all too real. Her little warrior is no longer here for her to hold in her arms. Yet she uses her pain to touch so many lives including that of our family. Her strength gives me strength. I only spoke with her for about 10 minutes but I walked away feeling fulfilled with Hope, Gratitude and Love. 

Please remember Ann & the Smith family in your thoughts and prayers. This month marks 3 years since their beloved Tyler passed away. 

Our family will never be the same again.  As we stood by the ‘Giving Tree’ Friday, Becky - Director of Anything for a Friend mentioned that Lota and Tyler have the same colors - Black and Green.  Ann also told a story about Tyler, telling his basketball coach “I GOT THIS!” during a game. Yesterday while going through quotes tied to the Giving Tree I came across a quote from Tyler that is almost identical to something Lota told me a couple of months ago.

At that moment, a connection from the other side was made. Lota and Tyler having the same favorite colors, both have walked the same school halls and both with the mental toughness of Warriors, were meant to connect; were meant to be friends. Our journey will never be the same again.  Our Lota has an Angel Warrior on the other side rooting for him. 

The 5K Fun Run was a memorable night for our family. On the back of the 5K shirts with all the Sponsors,  is a little stick figure with the words  “Running with LOTA”.  

And Lota did not disappoint.  He somehow talked his sister out of a bib # and ran the 5K with everything he had.  

Last night for Family Home Evening, we sat down as a family and talked about the legacy of the "Giving Tree". I can almost see Tyler standing by the Giving Tree smiling at us, especially at the wiggly-giggly Ward kids. The excitement on their faces as they stare at the Giving Tree are absolutely priceless. Tyler gotta be up there watching and laughing with these little Adam’s Eagles. 

"Tyler Smith, we don't know what the future holds for Lota but know that we will (F2TF) Fight 2 The Finish with You, Faith, Family, Friends, Love and Giving Hearts". 

This will be our very first tree on our property and to have such a story makes it even more priceless and memorable. We can’t wait to plant it and we look forward to Paying it Forward. 

Thank you so much Team Tyler, Anything For a Friend and Adam's PTA.  God Bless. 

~Lota's Mom. 

You can learn more about the ‘Giving Tree’ at http://www.anythingforafriend.com/index.php?cID=145&mode=edit&ctask=check-out-first&ccm_token=1346643385:35251fd079ca7b1e721433c91b36ff71